[Subtitles by danielsangeo]
You know what I like about being hopelessly
trapped HERE compared to other places?
I'm not going to immediately die.
That room that was underwater? I
was going to run out of air in MINUTES,
or being pinned down by
artillery fire. Jesus!
This is downright peaceful.
STILL WANT TO GET OUT, THOUGH!
I'm a ghost with a shotgun!
I'm going to haunt... the shit out of you!
Okay, so, seriously,
what the hell happened?
Did a ghost let me out of that pipe?
Let's examine the evidence.
That hatch was sealed shut when it opened.
I saw nobody there, so either
one of the soldiers unlocked it,
then sprinted away around the
corner and then turned his back to me,
I suppose it could've been a time-delayed
opening like a bank vault, but wow,
No, I think a ghost just let me out of
there like Jack Torrance in "The Shining".
So, a ghost let me out. Does that mean
I have to kill people now, or... wait.
Oh, there's another pipe.
Yeah, why not? I won't get stuck.
The ghosts have my back now.
Wish they'd showed up sooner.
Yeah, look at this hatch. There is NO WAY
something like this opens up by accident.
So, it's confirmed: I've been
chosen by ghosts.
Well, in "The Shining", they let
him out so he could kill his family,
but that doesn't really apply to me.
Maybe I've been looking at this
the wrong way.
I'm doing the world a FAVOR by
killing these people,
because I'm stopping their
horrible timelines from continuing.
I mean, the ghosts haven't been especially
clear with me what their message is,
so if I get confused and kill a bunch of
people, am I really to blame?
HECU: Go! Is that all you got?!
And I'm not hearing any contrary
opinions, so I guess it's unanimous.
Okay, so if I have ghosts watching me,
I have to be careful not to get too cocky,
because they like to get your
back and then just drop you.
[lock jiggles]
Wait, I'm not a ghost, am I?
Okay, let's all stay
on the same page here.
Now, what I could REALLY use from the
ghosts is for them to leave me some car keys,
GUARD: Stand back!
WUAAAAH!
the ghosts aren't telling me to kill you,
so I guess you get to join
the Freeman Fan Club.
GUARD: Okay, why not? Didn't
want to die alone anyway.
Oh, you're not going to die
ALONE, don't worry about that.
We have that problem covered.
GUARD: Man, I'd like to get my hands
on the guy responsible for THIS mess.
Oh, and don't be discouraged by the
fact that everyone who HAS followed me
is dead or stranded right now,
because that's mostly not my fault.
In the rare event it WAS my
fault--yeah, go and open that--
it still wasn't REALLY my fault.
See, the thing is, I have high standards
and a lot of people don't live up to them.
And, for some reason, many people don't
believe me when I say we need to do something
and end up facing the consequences.
What I'm saying here is, people
who don't listen to me tend to die, alright?
GUARD: Yep, all that target
range time is going to pay off today.
Okay, shut up, we've
gone in circles again.
Okay, there are sandbags right
fucking here. Do you see this?
GUARD: Sorry, sir... but... I
can't take much more of this.
Okay, we are NOT off to a good start here.
First, you lead me in circles,
now you're complaining your feet
hurt after two minutes of walking.
Is this what is called
"learned helplessness"?
I've heard of that before.
Oh, and don't walk on this thing.
Not that you're going to do anything
I say, but... yeah, you're going die,
I can see that right now.
That's great. Your death will go
towards a greater good.
Now, don't expect a statue or
anything, unless you make it yourself,
but with all the bombing,
there's not really much point.
[gunshots]
Oh, boy! This is the wrong way!
NOW'S YOUR CHANCE! SHOOT HIM!
[car alarm]
GOOD! FUCKING DO IT!
[gargantua roars]
[panting]
I don't think I can smash through this
one even though I have a running start.
Okay, time for the asphalt tumor ride.
It's not working--WAAAAAHHHH!
Oh, it's dead man walking. Bye!
RADIO: Come in, Cooper. Do you copy?
RADIO: Forget about Freeman!
We're abandoning the base.
RADIO: If you have any last bomb targets,
What does this do?
RADIO: mark them tactical map.
[plane whine]
RADIO: Otherwise, get the hell out of there!
[explosions]
RADIO: Otherwise, get the hell out of there!
Oh!
RADIO: Repeat, we are pulling out
RADIO: and commencing airstrikes.
RADIO: Give us targets or get below!
Oh, I'll give you targets. Does
this do what I think it does?
Amazing! I didn't even see the plane.
Uh-oh. Maybe I shouldn't have done that.
Oh, shit, that buckled fast.
Uh, yeah, let's do it again.
[explosions]
Yes, walk into it!
Good Godzilla! THAT'S A GOOD
GODZILLA! YES, THAT'S A GOOD JOB!
Wow. Lucky that thing doesn't have
a fear response. Most animals have that.
I guess the thought something
kicking its ass just confuses it.
So, let's bomb something else.
I've got time for this. I'll make time.
That must be SERIOUSLY reinforced,
like those rubber alloy walls
they use on nuclear reactors.
Well, let's try and take out
that radio tower.
I think LESS communication is
BEST communication.
These are some surgical strikes!
[plane whine]
I actually am pretty amazed
[plane whine]
at the accuracy of these pilots.
Yeah, that's more like it.
Now we're cooking with Composition H6.
This is going to solve my problems.
When all you have is aerial strike map,
everything looks like a bomb target.
[plane whine]
Where's the plane?
Oh, yeah, I could get used to this.
I am again surprised there's no
authentication here; just two big joysticks
and a red button.
[plane whine]
I guess the military
understood the intelligence
of the people they were working with.
And that gate is still standing.
Actually, why does this place
have a moat to begin with?
You know, this map is great,
but it has one severe flaw
I need one of the whole world.
I can't bring it with me so I guess I'll
just keep heading to greener pastures.
Although my "green pastures" are
more like sunbaked badlands
covered with bodies and alien growths.
And people shooting at me.
I really do like, however, how that
officer said, "Forget about Freeman."
I still think it's psychotic
they've made me a priority,
but calling it off is good.
I just hope I'm not the only
person who received those orders,
because that would just be redundant.
[explosions]
Uh, I didn't call this one in--
Yeah, I'm going to leave.
[plane whine, explosions]
I'm starting to get that feeling
again like I don't belong here,
[plane whine]
and the irony is,
[explosions]
I don't even want to be here.
So, you think, I don't want to be here,
[plane whine]
they don't want me here,
[explosions]
this problem should solve itself pretty rapidly,
[plane whine]
but it really seems to be persisting
[plane whine]
quite aggressively.
[plane whine, explosions]
Oh! We are not deep enough yet, are we?
[explosions]
WAAAAH! HOLY SHIT!
[plane whine]
Oh, yeah! Go dark!
[plane whine]
That would make everything... perfect right now...
[explosions]
If I couldn't see in the middle of all this, that would--
Don't crush me--THIS SUIT DOESN'T DO
SHIT AGAINST 50 TONS OF ROCK!
Is that gas filling the room?
I don't know how I feel about
that with those sparks up there.
No, I DO know how I feel about that!
See, this is why I like the pipe.
Uh, ghosts? Any time now...